St. Paul, I Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married, however, I give this instruction (not I, but the Lord*):  a wife should not separate from her husband--and if she does separate she must either remain single or become reconciled to her husband--and a husband should not divorce his wife.

* footnote (Not I, but the Lord): Paul reminds the married of Jesus' principle of nonseparation (Mark 10:9). This is one of his rare specific references to the teaching of Jesus.

Many Church representatives use the terms “former wife,” “ex-wife,” “former-husband,” “ex-spouse,” “ex,” in referring to what actually are separated spouses in divorce cases when the marriage is considered valid until proven null. (Can. 1060) This language is misleading and should be corrected.  It gives the person in the pew the idea that civil divorce actually dissolved the marriage when no such thing is true.

St. Paul said that those who separate are still married and must either live alone or reconcile.  Church representatives' use of the same language used by civil law to refer to separated spouses is a serious scandal and a source of excruciating pain to rejected spouses and children forced to live with the separation of their parents.

It also destroys the hope that St. Paul preaches in his commandment to reconcile or to live alone.  Children deserve to know that life will go on without the pain and embarrassment of boyfriends and girlfriends in their parents’ lives.  The very idea of separated spouses dating would most certainly be condemned by St. Paul and by Our Lord Himself, but it is accepted and expected among Catholics because of the annulment mentality.

St. Paul preaches in his commandment that separated couples must reconcile or live alone, and his teaching provides real hope that life will go on without the pain and trauma of today’s blended families that are so prone to causing further trauma for children and rejected spouses.  The annulment mentality destroys this hope with its emphasis on declaring marriages null, mostly because of the controversial issues of capacity and consent, and opening the way for second marriages.  Have we become Hollywood?

Furthermore, if separated spouses were told that their only choices are to remain alone or reconcile, and that a second attempted marriage, not sincerely repented of, condemns them to an eternity in  hell, they will be much less likely even to consider another marriage and more likely to work toward reconciliation.  When God says that He hates divorce (Mal 2:16), it’s not reasonable to conclude that tribunals have convinced Him to change His almighty mind.  (analysis by Sheryl Temaat tmsharel@aol.com.)