First, the ministry should be multi-faceted.  It will need to deal with preventing divorces as well as helping those who are experiencing a divorce. Second, the ministry must focus on the needs of the people involved in the situation, especially the ones most in need of healing.

An extensive ministry to separated and divorced persons has been taking place in the Catholic Church for several decades.   Even so, questions are still asked about it. Does such a ministry detract from the church's duty to uphold the permanency of marriage?  What does this ministry seek to accomplish? What are its components?

Before discussing these questions, let me be clear about one thing. Divorce is a multi-leveled tragedy.  Nearly every family has been affected directly or indirectly by it.  Stories abound about the pain of broken relationships, the long journey to healing and recovery, the hurt sustained by children and other family members, the social costs calculated in school failures, increased poverty and delinquency. Sadly, divorce has become a major thread in our social fabric.  Everyone must reckon with it.  But how?

First, we must help people to see that divorce is not the only option in a troubled marriage.  Second, when a marriage does fail, people would be helped to move through a recovery process and ultimately to reintegration with their family and community.

Even before a couple ends up in crisis, the church ought to be offering them ways to strengthen their marriage.  Divorce prevention, though not the sole focus of the effort, is surely an important dimension of marriage education nowadays.  Couples want their marriages to succeed.  They know the risk involved.  A divorced Catholic woman told me, "Most people don't want a divorce.  Unfortunately, they just don't have the skills to stay married." 

Church teaching makes the distinction between the perpetrator and the victim. Catechism of the Catholic Church 2384-2386 states, "Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. ...  There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage"

If forcing a divorce on one's spouse and children in a sin, to excuse this sin by stating most people don't have the skills to stay married is a senseless as saying a father who sexually abused his daughter doesn't have the skill to practice chastity. Both the abused daughter in this example, and the abandoned spouse who is the victim of a forced no-fault divorce are called to forgive, but to deny that the perpetrator did anything wrong or immoral is a gross offense against justice.  There are no special skills required to avoid filing for a civil no-fault dioroce. 
 

Still, however, not all marriages can be saved and all divorces prevented. "Various reasons can unfortunately lead to the often irreparable breakdown of valid marriages," Pope John Paul II wrote in his 1981 message on the family.  On average, U.S. Catholics are only a little less likely to divorce than the general population. Obviously, then, parishes can neither ignore divorce nor exclude divorced people from their circle of care.

A first step for parish members and leaders is to acknowledge the existence of divorced Catholics in their midst and make them feel included in the life of the community.  Divorce can be an extremely alienating experience.  Generally, people going through a divorce suffer a loss of self esteem and a deep sense of guilt, failure, and rejection.  They often turn to their faith community seeking affirmation and acceptance, especially if they haven't found it in their family.

A feeling of welcome and inclusion comes from many ordinary gestures. A greeting, a conversation, and invitation to join this or that group, a specific mention in homilies and prayers -- all these are a broad form of ministry to divorced persons.

Loneliness and other difficulties are often the lot of separated spouses, especially when they are the innocent parties. The ecclesial community must support such people more than ever. It must give them much respect, solidarity, understanding and practical help, so that they can preserve their fidelity even in their difficult situation; and it must help them to cultivate the need to forgive which is inherent in Christian love, and to be ready perhaps to return to their former married life.

The situation is similar for people who have undergone divorce, but, being well aware that the valid marriage bond is indissoluble, refrain from becoming involved in a new union and devote themselves solely to carrying out their family duties and the responsibilities of Christian life. In such cases their example of fidelity and Christian consistency takes on particular value as a witness before the world and the Church. Here it is even more necessary for the Church to offer continual love and assistance, without there being any obstacle to admission to the sacraments. "

A program, such as Rainbows for All God's Children, that is designed to be offered in Catholic and public schools can be a lifeline for children bewildered and hurt by their parents' divorce.  Here, again, parishes can provide leadership on behalf of children. In doing so, the seeds may be sown for preventing future divorces.

Will ministering to divorced persons compete with and distract from the church's duty to promote and strengthen marriages?  There is no reason why this should occur. Seeing both efforts as part of a larger ministry to families is essential. Divorced Catholics are often among the most ardent supports of marriage.  Many wish there were some way to bring their experience to bear on helping other couples prepare for marriage.