Manual
The Gift of Self

The Our Lady of Cana program in Palermo, Sicily uses the manual "Il Dono Di Se," which is Italian for "The Gift of Self."

See our translation of the preface, introduction and premise below and help us raise funds to publicize our English study manual.

The Preface is by Salvatore Di Cristina, previously Auxiliary Bishop and Vicar General of the Archdiocese of Palermo, today Archbishop of today Archbishop of Monreale.

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The Gift of Self

A Spiritual Companion for Separated and Divorced
Faithful to the Sacrament of Marriage
Maria Pia Campanella

Preface by His Excellency Salvatore Di Cristina
Auxiliary Archbishop of the Archdiocese of Palermo


To my husband
And our children,
For the whole Church,
Spouse of Christ,
For the glory of God


In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Come Holy Spirit,
Come Spirit of spousal love,
Bear witness
To the merciful love of God


Acknowledgments


I wish to thank in a particular way His Excellency the Most Reverend Salvatore Di Cristina, auxiliary bishop and vicar general of the Archdiocese of Palermo, who welcomed this initiative as a special path of conjugal spirituality.

I also wish to thank Monsignor Renzo Bonetti, director of the National Office of Pastoral and Family Life, who with his teachings has helped me make sense of fidelity to the sacrament of marriage.

I likewise wish to thank Don Piero Pasquini of the Caresto Community, who asked that I collaborate in the redaction of the text Un cammino cristiano per i separati ["A Christian Path for Those Separated"] published by Gribaudi (Milan, 2003), from which I have taken points and citations in drafting this current book.

Additionally, I would like to thank Sister Ausilia Bulone, Mother General of the Sisters of Charity of the Prince of Palagonia, who has welcomed me and other separated persons with affection and compassion, putting at my disposition books and documents of the Servant of God Francesco Paolo Gravina, the Prince of Palagonia, an exemplary figure for spouses who are separated.

I would be remiss to omit a warm and grateful thought for those priests and deacons who have preserved me within the heart of God, leading me to advance with their counsel, as well, I am certain, with their prayers.

Finally, I wish to thank all those persons, in particular separated persons faithful to the sacrament, who have been of help in the redaction of this work &mdash be it with their counsel, with concrete aid, as well as for respecting the qualities and abilities I thought I had lost on account of my painful story.

Preface


This book breathes Easter air.

It is a bit like the house in Bethany where "six days before Passover the sister of Lazarus anointed with a pound of perfumed oil, very precious, the feet of Jesus, such that the entire house was filled with its fragrance."

The ancient Christian commentator Origen asked whether this detail alluded to by the Evangelist was not a mysterious foreshadowing of that fragrance with which Christ inundated the whole great house of God, the Church, through the power of His resurrection three days after His burial.

My impression is this: to follow this book is like experiencing the fragrance of the Crucified One, risen once again. It breathes a serene atmosphere of suffering born with dignity, and of the deep sweetness of one who has tasted both the vinegar of pain and the paternal consolation of God. Yet one becomes aware too of the joy of an even greater forgiveness, of a taste forcefully sweeter than resentment, as well as the joy of fruitful sharing with one's brothers and sisters, rather than morosely withdrawing into solitude.

You can almost touch with your hands the surprising power of faith in the Risen One here: His desire to soothe suffering, to heal wounds, clothed in mercy in the face of any violence suffered. Such is the main message of this book. Its authority flows from the Lord's grace and from experience.

First, though, it has a practical pastoral application.

Dealing with the pastoral situation of Christians married yet separated, and more specifically those who decide to remain faithful to the sacrament of marriage, the author proposes a spiritual path. Here the book becomes a right and proper "how to" manual, albeit one that loses none of its ripe spiritual wisdom along the way. This manual is rich in suggestions fed by experience, ranging from a psychological plane to a moral one, to a Spiritual, and even a Liturgical plane.

The book closes with a long appendix in which can be found precious counsels for a pastoral approach toward separated persons; some concrete instances of witness &mdash among which shines the relevant case of Palermo's Servant of God, Francis Paul Gravina, Prince of Palagonia; as well as an essential collection of prayers and elevations for the spirit suggested by the charming title "The Spouse is With Us," serving as the caption for a beautiful icon of Jesus the Teacher.

One need not claim that this book is proposing an underlying, mature, coherent theology for the phenomenon it treats. Our author-compiler assumes no theological competence. Yet her book is, without doubt, the intuitive fruit of a heart enlightened by faith which has allowed itself to be touched and penetrated by grace. Precisely this is its merit, as noted above, as well as the reason for its authoritativeness.

This book enjoys in every way the privilege of being the "first" text written on the basis of an intuition in this particular matter. This should be recognized above all insofar as it expresses "newness" in the Christian sense of the term, but also insofar as it remains open to being perfected by any further gift of the Spirit.

For all these reasons I wish to accompany this work with my blessing, as well as with my congratulations in the Lord Jesus, the Church's Spouse.

+ Salvatore Di Cristina
Auxiliary Bishop and Vicar General of the Archdiocese of Palermo

Introduction

These pages were written by one hand and many hearts, namely those belonging to Gabrielle, Rosy, Paolo, Giancarla, Antoni, and Stephani. And, they were written for all the innocent children of separated persons who are unknown, as are their stories, and for those people whose suffering is so often ignored or not understood.

There is a silent Church, one not spoken of much, where these stories of separated spouses that are faithful to the sacrament of marriage make themselves felt as the presence of a something &mdash of Someone &mdash transcending the merely human.

Even though absurd in the eyes of the world, separated persons faithful to the sacrament of matrimony believe that conjugal sepa-ration, lived out within the sacrament, "is still a total gift of self, fidelity, and fruitfulness." It is a total gift of self because it is a gift of themselves offered to the Father, through union with Christ the Spouse, in the Holy Spirit, for the conversion of one's own spouse.

It is fidelity to the conjugal pact made with God, lived out within a chaste continence, sought as a gift, accepted and guarded as such.

It is fruitfulness in the Spirit because it is a witness to the fact God remains faithful to His covenant, shared with one's relations and with the world, even when people are idolatrous and unfaithful.

How many times, since Adam and Eve, has humanity broken, through sin, the covenant that God offered?

Still, God does not abandon His creation. He does not create another being and get rid of Adam, nor does He seek out another people to replace Israel.

His love is infinitely merciful.

This must occur in marriage as well, even if one is wounded by separation, when the "first wine" runs out. It is so because the presence of MaryÑnot to mention of ChristÑis not lacking. If this is true, then the Church has the job of helping separated married people who remain faithful to the sacrament of matrimony to travel this path. This is a path which is not the anachronistic imposition of a Church norm received with resigned endurance, but a "path of sanctification lived out within the joyous paradox of the Gospel."

I do not know if, before I die, I will witness the conversion of my husband and my children. But what I am certain of is thisÑthat God loves them more than I do and that He has not forgotten them.

Maria Pia

Premise


A meditation on the Valley of Achor in a passage of the prophet Hosea can be useful for cultivating the theological virtue of hope (Hosea 2:4-25).

Any painful or dramatic situation in our life is transformative and transfiguring only if we live it in Christ, with Him, and for Him.

In the Valley of Achor, a family has been shattered. Yet God Himself affirms it is precisely in this place that a ruined family &mdash Hosea's &mdash will find the "portal of hope." A place, in other words, to pass through in order to find yet another one &mdash in the form of a surprising new perspective, a new possibility for life unconsidered till now, since it is divine.
So God now affirms that the Valley of Achor will no longer mean the tragic end of a family, but instead will become a doorway to hope. A doorway is that thing that permits access to a new place. It is as if God said, ÔI place within that situation a possibility of access to a new reality, a new possibility of life. It will become a portal of hopeÉ' It is important to emphasize that God and He alone is in a position to transform precisely that place into a portal of hope &mdash the Valley of Achor. It is not a different situation, but precisely the same one which becomes a portal of hope.

One day the Lord told Jeremiah to go down to the potter's shop (cf. Jeremiah 18:1-4). Jeremiah went and watched a potter working the clay with a potter's wheel. The prophet noted that if a jar broke, the potter took the clay in hand and began again remaking that jar with the same mud, without changing the material. This episode from Jeremiah's life contains a precious spiritual pointer: in our case the Lord does not change the material, but first begins from where we are, from what we are, from our attributes and our limitations, and from this He recon-structs within us a new possibility of life.

This is the God of the Bible. This is good and beautiful news for every couple that is living through moments of difficulty (as it is for every separated person remaining faithful to the sacrament). They need not become other than what they are already, and in this way allow God's love to act.

Help Along the Way


For the separated person who wishes to follow the course proposed here, it is without a doubt more beneficial to examine excerpts from "Stages in the Journey," (page 20) praying and meditating on one of the passages suggested or else on other passages from the Gospel.

One should proceed without haste. Within a group setting, this path provides about a year's worth of material. Walking together with a group facilitates the path toward the gift of self.

The separated person who follows this path, alone or in a group, may repeat the various stages as needed.
The following may be organized within a Liturgical context:

  To facilitate the path to forgiveness, beyond meditating on the Gospel passages adopted, one can organize a prayer meeting in which to ask the Lord for the grace to be able to forgive;

  For the renewal of marital consent, having first understood the premise, it is helpful to do a weekend retreat, appreciating that wedding reception of the Lamb of God to which all the baptized are called.
For the Saturday evening on such a retreat, it is important to perform Eucharistic adoration using texts that reflect Christ's spousal side.

Regarding the rite of renewing consent, it is good to insert this into the Eucharistic celebration, following the Creed.

At that moment in the Liturgy, it is good to have married couples, directors of pastoral work, even engaged couples par-ticipate. All present will experience a moment of great grace.

The Seven Steps


The way consists in seven steps from the moment of the separation to the gift of oneself, and in details
  1. The Separation - Accepting the Cross
  2. The Rebirth - Trusting in God
  3. The Desert - The place of the meeting with God
  4. The Group - Walking together
  5. Reconciliation - Forgiving the other and oneself
  6. The Renewing of the "I do" - The mission of the sacrament
  7. The Gift of Self - Returning God's love.

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