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The Slow Martyrdom of Mrs. Macfarlane |
November 2006, by Dale O'Leary
There is a wonderful scene in "A Man for All Seasons" where Thomas More's daughter Meg begs her father to take the oath accepting Henry VIII's divorce from Catherine of Aragon. Meg encourages her father to say the words of the oath and in his heart think otherwise. He responds, "What is an oath then, but words we say to God? When a man takes an oath, he's holding his own self in his own hands like water. And if he opens his fingers then, he needn't hope to find himself again."
Thomas More was beheaded for defending the truth about marriage.
Henry and Catherine were once considered the perfect Catholic couple, but, when she couldn't produce a male heir, Henry decided to dump her. When Rome wouldn't give him a divorce, he declared himself head of the Church in England. When Queen Catherine refused to lie and say her marriage was no marriage, he took away her daughter and locked her up in a damp castle until she died. Another martyr for marriage.
The Macfarlanes were once seen by many as the perfect Catholic couple. Together they founded CatholiCity.com. He authored Catholic novels; she homeschooled their four children. Then Mr. Macfarlane decided that he no longer wished to be married and Mrs. discovered that a Catholic who lives in a state with no-fault divorce has no right to defend the marriage bond. Not only was she divorced against her will, she lost custody of her children. What terrible offense did she commit to deserve such punishment?
According the judge's ruling she was unwilling to "accept this divorce." Mrs. MacFarlane has accepted the legal reality, but continues to believe that according to Catholic teaching she is still married to Mr. Macfarlane. She is not free to marry again and neither is he.
Her second unforgivable crime was that she allowed her four-year-old son to say "Daddy broke our family." This statement by the child proved to the court-appointedÊ psychologist that Mrs. Macfarlane had not properly indoctrinated her children. She had not convinced them that divorces just happen and no one is to blame.
You see it isn't enough for the state to decide that no one is at fault in a divorce, although it is manifestly obvious even to a four-year-old when one spouse is the perpetrator and the other the victim, the state demands that the adults lie to the children. This is supposed to be in the best interests of the children. But is lying to children ever in their best interests? Isn't it better to let them speak about what they see? Should they be forced to go along with the legal fiction of no-fault divorce?
The judge made it clear in her decision that in spite of Mr. Macfarlane's multiple defects he was awarded custody, because of Mrs. Macfarlane's was unwilling to compromise. According to the judge: "The court has great concern with Mrs. Macfarlane's acceptance of this divorce . . . As Mrs. Macfarlane testified at trial 'two homes is not a home.' How unfortunate for her children that she has this attitude. Her marriage is not going to be saved no matter what she wants. She has to realize it and get beyond this for her children's sake."
Mrs. Macfarlane knows she can't force her husband to return, all she has left is the truth and that is what the court demands she surrender. The court doesn't care that there is a massive body of research supporting her belief that "two homes is notÊa home." She must think what the court tells her to think.Ê
Most victim parents knuckle under. They say what they have to say.
According to Mrs. MacFarlane's lawyer, Steve Safranek, head of the True Marriage Project, everyone is at risk: "Currently, all marriages are treated like 'no fault' marriages by the civil authorities."
Those who created the legal fiction of "no-fault" divorce may have hoped to reduce the suffering of divorce, but punishing the innocent and rewarding the guilty only adds the insult of injustice to the injury of betrayal.
Mrs. Macfarlane did not set out to be a martyr for marriage. She just didn't understand how the game was played. She naively assumed that truth would be a defense and justice would prevail. Too late she learned that in divorce court that is rarely the case.
Dale O'Leary is a writer, pro-family activist and educator living in Rhode Island. Her e-mail address is daleoleary@thefactis.org
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